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  • This is my Blog...There are many like it, but this one is mine...

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        Thursday, March 19, 2009

    Thank You Blogosphere Friends

    Mrs. Bane says: A very long Thank You to Blogosphere Friends!

    I have put off the most important post of all; my thank you post and up-date. I’ve started to write it at least a dozen times and walked away, while emotions overwhelmed me to the point that I couldn’t handle them…

    After he died I was shaken and numb, but not numb enough… There was a mountain of paperwork to deal with; all of it was time sensitive. Then there were six birthdays, our wedding anniversary plus Thanksgiving and Christmas, all in one to two week intervals. My kids needed me to be as stable… I wouldn’t have made it if the gentle hands of God were not supporting all of us.

    He sent a good bit of that support through Bane’s readers and friends on line:

    There are no adequate words to thank you for all that you have done for us. During the interim period while our finances shifted and finally settled, we have had every need taken care of, and many wants as well,! And at a time when our economy has gone crazy, we have landed on our feetJ

    Thanks to all of you! Thank you Wendy; for being out front and for facilitating everything, flying out for the funeral and for your ear and continued friendship! You are a jewelJ Thank you to our Secret Santa! Who ever you are, God bless you! Thank you to each and every one of you who helped us pay our bills... And for the multitude of your prayers (I have sure felt them). Thank you for leaving your condolence notes in the last comment box, all 200+ of them…Thank you for helping me with the computer (You know who you are). Thank you Jesus! As cantankerous as he was, Bane sure drew a lot of high quality folks to himself.

    After his death, I went to see a grief counselor. She suggested that I journal. I tried, but I just couldn’t do it. When I did force myself I was such a basket case that I couldn’t function.

    The big kids accidentally crashed Banes computer mining it for writing and I didn’t get it up and running until about a month ago. I’ve had net access for less than that. The first time I bravely turned on the computer and opened outlook, I nearly fainted. It felt like I was having an out of body experience. There, in front of me were his personal reminders: Take your big white pill, hair cut in two days. Ann Coulter post is late, etc… In the following weeks I opened his blog for the first time since… -That is when I started to write. Stories flow onto pages like water from an artesian spring. This is funny, cause I haven’t written a story since college (think 1990), and that was with a great deal of pain. I’m still deciding whether to post them for those of you who would like to read them. I’m having fun and they are cathartic for me to write, plus they will add historical accounts for our kids one day.

    The kids: You have asked about them: The little ones are doing quite nicely, considering everything.

    I put them in school… I know, I know! I just couldn’t home school now. This has gone far better than I would have ever imagined, and if it doesn’t work out, I can always make another change.

    Nat is doing well… She finally gets to be a little girl! While I was at work, she took care of Bane and helped him with her brother (especially near the end, when he was really too sick to do anything more than supervise). These are treasured memories, but it was extremely hard on her too. She’s a social butterfly, and is learning at lightning speedJ She is grieving well; at least she is facing her pain and releasing her anger and sadness in healthy ways.

    Johnny hasn’t really grieved though. He gets really weird when the topic of Daddy comes up, regardless of the context. Then he tries to distract us and himself into a “happy place”, far from there. He is hyper vigilant about my emotions too. most of the time, I can’t even sneak in a silent tear without him picking up on it. Other than that, he is thriving. He is becoming more independent (in a good way),learning, having fun, making friends well and adjusting to the changes we have made, and his health has been stable except for “the cold from abadon” that has made our circle twice now.

    As for the older kids, I really can’t answer that. I know it is rough for them…

    I told Wendy that I would at least post the following story for you…

    God bless each one of you,!

    Mrs. Bane

    Edit: A thank you also goes out to CJ for running a milblog fundraiser for my family. Thank you, CJ.