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        Monday, September 15, 2008

    Wherein Bane Takes A Shower...

    Since shaving has become so difficult for me, I shaved in the sink, whereas I usually use the shower. When I was done, I had to go sit down and catch my breath. I wonder if I broke my back some when I fell. Its been, what, two months?
    I've never hurt this bad for so long before.

    I haven't had a shower since week before last. Even then, the wife gave me most of it, and dried me off, and it still wiped me out enough that she had to help me get dressed. By today, I had become the standard hobos and bums look up to. So I shave, and decide the rest isn't worth it. The wife says 'get in there or I'll put you into a rest home where they can take care of you'. I looked at her and snarled that as long as I had working finger, I would shoot myself before I went into one of those places, and she said 'yeah yeah, in the meantime get your smelly greasy ass in there to the shower so I can wash you up'.

    It might hurt, but I can wash my own fuckin self up. Bitch. And I grumbled my way into the bathroom, and she stood by in case I fell, or needed some help. Then she dried me off. And poked me in the eye while drying my hair. Twice.
    Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I had to come back in my room after she dressed me and do some magazine change drills just to feel like a man again.

    I could still fuck you up if I had to, but it wouldn't be as pretty or professionalism, just slaughter. And then I'd have to go sit down and take a breather.
    Which is why if you behave yourself, you live. I've been practicing 'Knife Strokes For Fucking Cripples'. All movement comes from the spine, and it is hard to make a decent stroke when yours is fucked up. So I have been carrying my knucks when I (rarely) go out. You can 'set' yourself in a modified Horse stance, and slash with the knucks (believe it or not) and when you see bone (usually a forearm) and crippled them...brought then down to your level, as it were, pull your blade of choice and step in and cut yourself a slice.

    'Course, me bein a crip an all, I'd just pull them into me and use a hammer blow with the knucks on the top of their skull, two or three quick ones, or until I got a cramp, whichever comes first.
    I am old, and crippled, and mean, so do not fuck with me. Yer damn right I have an inferiority complex.

    Wanna make something of it?