Cats are nasty animals, and dogs are even worse. They lay around with their bare assholes hanging out, and lick them, then lick you with the same tongue...and you nasty fuckers who let your dogs lick you on the mouth just let that little factoid settle in...why don't you just lick your pet's asshole clean for them? Cut out the middleman?
Anyway, your pets rub their assholes on you, and stick them any damn where they want. Let your cat(s) get up on the kitchen counters? Hey, Fluffy just went and took a shit! And buried it with her hands! And then licked them 'clean'! I've told you about my cat Rex, who was sitting on the windowsill looking out at the birds, and I noticed the worms just falling out of his asshole as if it was a pasta maker.
I just opened the window, and chucked him out (we lived in a second floor apartment). Free cat.
So why not pants-train them while they're babies? Of course, dogs would likely look at a diaper as if it was a bag lunch. But when I was a kid, I had a Woolly Monkey, and my Grandma made him some diapers out of cloth diapers, with Velcro tabs, and they worked great. We couldn't let him in the house without them, cuz it was just a nightmare of monkey shit.
I'll likely have pets no more, forever. Well, except fish. And then only if all I have to do is look at them. Birds? Fuck birds. They shit if you look at them funny, and squawk at inopportune times. And the bigger so-called 'smart' birds need more attention than a woman. I'd end up stuffing a pillow with it.
My Daughter-In-Law has a fucking Guinea Pig! They die if you look at them hard, and throwing them is out of the question. At least you can throw a cat. That's how I've trained all of my cats to stay off my bed, and the kitchen counters. And table. A few times of getting launched into the nearest wall, and staggering away going 'meow fuck, oh meow fuck' and they get the idea. Especially as I increase the velocity of the throw each time.
Do or die, kitty, your choice. If they refuse to learn, they get a date with Mr .22, and a free dumpster ride.
Anyway, cats: pants. Dogs: no tongue. That will be all.