This means that before you fart, you will be sitting on the toilet in the upright and locked position, hands and feet inside the seating area, and an oxygen mask may drop from the compartment above you.
Yes, I took stool softeners yesterday. My pipes had been backed up for two days, and I was feeling puny, and the directions said take one, so I took three, and within an hour or so, I passed a Butt-Truncheon of truly gargantuan proportion. Suffice to say, I am no longer a virgin. There was even blood.
And those pills are just the gift that keeps on giving. Hooo...boy. 'Houston, we have softness...repeat, the stool is soft, and you are a go for launch...'
On the upside, I feel light as a feather. I'm afraid to step in front of a fan for fear I'll whistle. Alimentary, my Dear Watson.
Well, my Dear Readers, thanks for showing an interest in my colonary delights. The 'No Farting' light just came on again, so I must scamper to my seat.
There may be turbulence...