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  • This is my Blog...There are many like it, but this one is mine...

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        Saturday, May 03, 2008

    You Know What?

    I'm getting damn tired of whiny, toothless shitkickers crying about losing all of their Home Shopping Network and eBay knickknacks.

    Fuck you. Move. Heck, I joined the military to get out of there. And I enjoyed tornado season. I can still remember my pregnant (now ex) wife sticking her head up out of the shelter hatch and hollering at me to 'get your fucking ass in here or I'm gonna have this damn baby right here on the floor!' That would be my oldest son.

    I remember I was outside, looking up, at the most perfect giant, spiral cloud right over me, swirling slowly like used Easter Egg vinegar being flushed down a toilet, containing colors not seen in nature. Except they were in nature. And right over my head. It was beautiful.

    It wasn't the tornadoes that made me leave, it was the entire state of Oklahoma freezing solid for much of the year, and being as hot and muggy as the surface of Venus for the rest of it. You couldn't give me a mansion there.

    My favorite parts of these stupid 'news' stories is A) where the news dork asks them if they are sad, while the person is standing there looking at the detritus of their life scattered over two blocks, and their house a pile of kindling, and B) when the yokel says 'well, we're gonna rebuild it again'. It's especially amusing if he adds 'yep, we've had to do it three times already' and names the named storms and the years they fuck his house up in.

    Commonly heard from people in Florida and Arkansas...oh, who am I kidding, heard throughout the South. Of course, the whiners who bitch about huge snowdrifts every winter in Michigan and such amuse me, too.

    Just fucking shut up, and move. I'm tired of hearing about you gazing in amazement at a flower, the first color you've seen outside all winter. We have acres of them here. We grow them all year long. You likely buy them from us.

    There are several things that will get me to pack a U-Haul truck and boogie the fuck out: Snow. And/or freezing weather. The wind, in various incarnations, blowing things of mine around. Excessive heat. Excessive sunlight. Excessive colored people, especially of the illegal persuasion. Killer taxation. Excessive white trash.

    Happy Saturday.