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  • This is my Blog...There are many like it, but this one is mine...

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        Wednesday, April 02, 2008

    Hot Linking...

    Is there anything on this entire planet that is better than a Louisiana style hot link, and a split of Anchor Steam Beer? I think not.

    The links need to be boiled slow, for at least an hour, until the casing splits, and red oil forms on the surface of the water. And then you prepare a place for it. The punkest, stick in your teeth white bread you can find. Wonder is the best, Rainbow the second, and all I've been able to find here in Oregon is Franz, which is a fair facsimile of how junk punk white bread should be.

    Then, you double up two paper plates,put down a slice (or two) of punk bread, and lay a diagonal line of French's mustard from one corner to the other. Only French's. Any other mustard is an abomination. Fuck all you yuppies.
    Then, with tongs, place that bad boy into the (very) thick line of mustard you have drawn, and enjoy. Crying is okay. As is sweating.

    The snap of your teeth popping through the casing is better than the sound of a club meeting the skull of a baby seal. And that's saying something, right there. And you should look into the gaping wound you have made (in the link) and see various red and green pepper seeds. The meat should be reddish, and look the same on the inside as it does on the outside.

    An acceptable variation is the pickled hot link...oh, hold me, I spend, Montramor...

    Any bar (common in Oklahoma) that has a big boiler set up that has been boiling all sorts of dogs and links and sausage all day long, and has loaves of punk bread, a stack of paper plates, and about eight bottles of French's mustard, is more than worthy of your lucre.

    As a matter of fact, you should be asking yourself if you are even worthy of being in there.
    You order a hot link or two, a pickled egg, and a Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, and you are a man now, my son.
    You chase it with a toaster oven baked mini pizza (12" or so) and a Slim Jim, and a packaged pickled beer sausage, and you are a super man.

    And if you meet a chick that looks good, and sucks your dick, and can match you bite for bite in that place, marry her, before somebody else gets her.