What, you've never heard of that one? Oh, those wacky Catholics and all their saints. Hard to keep them straight.
Well, the kids are downstairs celebrating it now, munching on the Sacrament of Laffy Taffy, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and other holy objects.
They each have a large sack full of candy from the Easter Bunny, Santa, and gosh knows what else. The wife went through and threw away much stuff that looked iffy, and/or that she recognized from holydays a year ago. Or more. They still have a pile. So I go down and let them go crazy once a day, picking what they want, and cramming it in their faces.
Normally, I do a snack time with a cup of yogurt (do you know they have pomegranate yogurt now? Be still, my heart) and a mozzarella cheese stick, and a glass of juice, but this candy isn't gonna eat itself. And the stuff that is left is all quality stuff, top shelf. You know those little Gummi hamburgers in individual packages? Yeah, I told them they were 'Crabby Patties', and they love munching them while they watch Spongebob.
That whole sugar buzz thing is a myth. If your kid acts up after eating candy, just take them out back and shoot them, and get them out of my gene pool. Defective little bastard. I've never had a problem with any of my kids and sugar.
And damn, but those banana Laffy Taffy's kick some serious ass. I got to whistle down for a kid to bring me up some more. It's good to be The King.
And I'll be damned if the wife isn't working an unusual 8 hour shift today and tomorrow, and here I am, hornier than a three-balled tomcat. Shit. Oh well, maybe I can relieve some stress by tormenting the kids.
That always cheers me right up.