The wife and our spawn are coloring ovoid chicken fetuses right now. I am cowering in my room, so as to not get any evil voodoo devil magic on me, or be blinded by harmful Easter Rays.
No matter how many times I attempt to convince the wife that all of these solstice holidays are just false Catholic constructs, so as to let other pagans join their cult back in the day, well...
Just like most of you who have been brainwashed about so-called 'holy-days' since childhood, her face clenches like a fist, and she decorates trees, and the house, and makes fertility symbols, and yesterday I actually ate a cookie in the shape of Our Lord's cross. Hope I don't go to hell for that.
Cruciform cookies aside, I do not mind having a candy-intensive day for the kids, but I try to let them know that we are celebrating the Easter Bunny dying for our sins.
The wife hates that.
Y'all know I'm a Christian, right? I believe in the Bible and everything, and no matter how I try, I can't find painted Easter Eggs, or the Easter Bunny anywhere between the covers of The Book. Or commandments to go to church on Sunday, and take up a collection for the Church Building Fund. It is very frustrating to know the history and origins of everything, and then see your loved ones shrugging it off, and buying into it lock, stock, and barrel. And bringing your kids with them.
Dammit, I can worship God any time of the day or any day of the week I want to. I refuse to follow your stupid restrictions. And if I want fellowship, I'll grab my own dick. There's a reason there are more women in churches than men. Pussified men. Or guys looking for nookie, or little kid nookie.
Like I always tell the wife, where do the predators wait for their prey. Yeah, the watering hole. Bad guys have (unprecedentedly) been targeting churches, lately, so why would I go voluntarily into a possible kill zone?
I already know what I write here is gonna piss some people off. And I'm gonna get comments saying 'well, my church isn't that way at all!' Having an Easter service tomorrow?
I rest my case.
As Alistair Crowley said, "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole extent of the law." So, go on...
Do what thou wilt.