BaneRants  

You must be at least this tall to ride this ride

::Tip Jar::






::Menu::

View My Stats




eXTReMe Tracker


Crusader for Christ Crusader against Islam


This blog is protected from memes by Grundir the Implacable



Creative Commons License
This work
licensed under
a Creative
Commons License
.

RSS FEED

email me






::Links::


Pat Dollard

James Lileks
(My Idol)


Sharp Knife
(My Other Hero)


BaneRants
(Wordpress)

Now With Best ofs!

Haunted Soldier

Curses & Chrome

All Atwitter

Maiden Magnetic

Random Bits of Pomposity

Baldilocks

Vox Day

Velociman

Pondering...

Doc in the Box

Protein Wisdom

Atlas Shrugs

Twenty Major

Northwoods
Woman


Kolyada.com

Olbermmeinfuhrer

DaddyBlogger



::Previous::
  • I Want To Know...



  • ::Past::
  • September 2002
  • October 2002
  • November 2002
  • December 2002
  • January 2003
  • February 2003
  • March 2003
  • April 2003
  • May 2003
  • June 2003
  • July 2003
  • August 2003
  • September 2003
  • October 2003
  • November 2003
  • December 2003
  • January 2004
  • February 2004
  • March 2004
  • April 2004
  • May 2004
  • June 2004
  • July 2004
  • August 2004
  • September 2004
  • October 2004
  • November 2004
  • December 2004
  • January 2005
  • February 2005
  • March 2005
  • April 2005
  • May 2005
  • June 2005
  • July 2005
  • August 2005
  • September 2005
  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • May 2006
  • June 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • March 2009
  • June 2009
  • July 2009
  • August 2009
  • October 2009
  • November 2009
  • May 2011
  • September 2012







  • This is my Blog...There are many like it, but this one is mine...

    This page is powered by Blogger.


        Sunday, March 16, 2008

    I Want To Know...

    I woke up this morning like I usually do on Sunday mornings, to the clatter of the kid's church shoes heading out to our ratty car, the clicking of the wife's heels following close behind. Car doors slammed, the engine struggled to life, and the car limped off to take them to their social club.

    I sat up in bed, rubbed some life into my face with the palms of my hands, and rose to head for the bathroom to take a whiz. The wife had, thoughtfully, closed my door, and put a towel under it. She knows I hate the smell of her brewing coffee, and that it wakes me up, and makes me cranky.

    I open the door, and another smell hits me...Corned Beef, cooking. Rich, and wonderful. She's crock-potting again.

    The question I have is, does anybody know of any stories where a crock pot has fucked up, and burned a kitchen, or even the entire house down? I've heard a lot of scary appliance stories, but never one involving a crock-pot. Are they the perfect appliance?

    I had a blow drier explode flame out of it and singe my hair, and pepper my scalp with metal fragments. Good thing I was already in the bathroom, because it startled the shit out of me.

    Oh, and I might as well put this here: Last week, while I was at the movie, the wife had the kids help her take the big recliner out of the kid's room, down the stairs, and out to the dumpster. From the tale she told, I wish to heck I had a video of the entire process.

    The chair had served its purpose. It was the one she used to sit with Johnny in her lap when he was little, and rock him and soothe him on the Bad Nights. Or she'd just give Nat huggies while sitting in it, and then lay her down when she fell asleep.

    But now, the chair was just used to stack clothes on, and it stole a lot of valuable play space from the room, and I've been bitching about it for weeks, and the wife agreed.
    I think it just took her some time to grieve over it, to get used to losing something that had figured so prominently in her and Nat and Johnny's lives.

    So they ganged up on that big heavy fucker, and shagged it out to the dumpster. I know she's very strong, but I still don't know how they did it. Willpower, I guess. I'm not long for this earth, and it does me good to see that I have made myself a strong, independent woman out of her. No woman should 'need' a man. They should want one.

    So after some rearrangement, the kid's room is a lot more open, and I notice that they both spend much more time playing in there. Yesterday Nat made a cage (out of cushions) for several of the stuffed lions they have (Johnny loves lions, so people give him lions, please, no more lions) and then she punched them all in their heads to 'knock them out' and then put a comforter over the top ("It's solid steel, Dad!") to keep them in, then got a couple of the biggest stuffed dogs they have (big, very big) and put them on the perimeter to 'guard them, in case they tried to get out'.

    And then, as she is wont to do, she butterflied off downstairs to do something or other, so I crept in and bent back the solid steel cover and got the two biggest lions out, and arranged them and the dogs in fighting poses, with the lions on top, obviously winning.

    Eventually, she flitted back up the stairs, and went in to check on her prisoners. I heard a gasp, and then some good and proper lion punchin, and they all got warnings and a good talkin to, and then she flew into me here at my desk and gave me the angry monkey look. I lied, of couse, when confronted, and said dammit, girl, Daddy is too busy to go messing around, and she began to look puzzleificated and confusious.

    In other words, she bought it. And until her logic circuits evolve, and she quits believing in Santa and the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny, she will believe that two of her stuffed lions broke out and somehow attacked their guards.

    And that's just the way it should be.