I might as well take my fingers for a spin...
My bladder took me for a walk at 5:30 this morning, and there was a light dusting of snow over everything. Woke up at 9am, and the skies were bright blue, and the sun flooded into the house, and it was God giving us a hug and telling us He likes us best, far better than those states east of us, whom He is smiting.
Man, I farted my ass off all night long from those damn bean burritos yesterday. I even took a few preemptive beano. You ever fart so loud, it wakes you up? And they were scent free. Dammit. I like to fluff the covers, and sniff them up. I believe in recycling. Well, of my own vapors.
Just one of several reasons the wife and I sleep in separate rooms.
We still have Easter eggs left, and I was a tad peckish when I arose, so I opened the fridge and the wife has peeled several, and placed them in a ziplock bag. They are still colored, though, so I picked the two that looked the least tumorous, put them in a small bowl, did a couple of grinds of sea salt, cut up some French Bread and toasted and buttered it, poured a shot of bourbon, and settled in front of the television.
Every news channel was clotted with Democrats. Arguing with Republicans who called them 'their friends'. We are fucked. So fucked. And I bet these boiled eggs begin to percolate soon. Probably about the time Nat gets home from church. And I can grab the back of her head and stuff it into my butt crack and honk one that'll blow her hair back.
Ahhhh, the precious memories she'll have.
I know I've told this here before, but it's worth another tell. When we all lived at the other house, and my Baby Marine and oldest daughter were still in high school and living with us, Johnny was just learning to motorvate around. He could crawl, and could pull himself up to a wavering stand, and somehow, he got up on the couch where his big brother was laying on his side, watching TV with me, I there in my easy chair.
Well, Johnny got behind him, and starting at his feet, began to inch-worm along, working very hard to probably get up to his neck and hug him around it. Johnny loves that boy.
Well, the elder son watched his movement, and when Johnny's head got even with his bunghole, the eldest blatted out a fart of alarming loudness, and vile affect. The funniest part, though, was that as the report was still resounding, Johnny popped up like an angry Prairie Dog. The look of absolute disgust and outrage on his maimed little face was priceless.
I laughed so hard, I literally couldn't stay in my chair, and slid to the floor. We were all in absolute hysterics. We watched a lot of Farscape in those days, and my nickname for Johnny was 'The Hymerian'. And Johnny couldn't unass that couch fast enough. He literally dove for the floor (and fresh air) and my eldest caught him and lowered him down. None of us could talk for at least ten minutes.
I blew Johnny off before I hugged him, and told his big brother to get his nasty ass into the bathroom and take a damn shit. I had to fan the front door for a bit. I was so proud.
The turd does not fall far from the bunghole.
So how's your hole? Family? HA! That's one of my faves. I used to use that on chicks all the time. It's the pause that sells it. Here is my new favorite joke I've seen going around the internet:
'So, two baby seals walk into a club...'