...and freeze them to the equipment. Lick a piece of candy and stick it to a pole, and get their attention. Hilarity ensues...
I kinda mostly really hate to bitch about how great stuff was in the past, but dammit, have they fucked up parks. First, you have your drug addicts and 'homeless' (read: escaped mental patients) cluttering up the place, leaving needles and trash around, and shitting everywhere. Then, you have the perverts, using the place as their own private hunting preserve. Or just taking pics of your kids to go home and jerk off over, and share them on their MySpace page with their other perv buddies. You know, cops, and firemen, and priests, and gym teachers...
I always knew gym teachers were fucked in the head six ways from santa claus.
But seeyusslee (note: Ebonics) when was the last time you saw a teeter-totter? High swings so you could touch the sky? A merry-go-round? I used to take my sons when they were little to a park called Charlie Brown Park in Monterey, when I was stationed at Fort Ord. Fuckin place could kill you or break you sixteen ways from Sunday, and it was a blast. I used to play on stuff with them, it was so much fun.
I haven't been back in decades, but I can guaran-damn-tee ya (Note: redneck) that the place has been altered, neutered, and fucked up beyond all recognition.
Now, when I take the kids to a park, it's all 'yay, grass...now, let's go home'. I can see plenty of grass around my house without wasting gas, and so far, the government will still let me bat a whiffle ball, or throw a football at my kid's heads in my own yard.
All of my filthy habits have been nearly taxed and regulated out of existence...gosh, I'm glad I don't smoke anymore. One day, I expect a fee to be applied for jacking off.
I'm not going to go off on a rant against the government. I love the government. It protects us from each other, and keeps us from having to worry about wild animals, and wilder indians. If you're tired of civilization, pack up and move to Somalia, or the Sudan. Don't bother letting me know how that works out for you, cuz I already know, and I hate whining, unless I'm the one doing it.
No, what I hate about government, is all the shit-for-brains assholes we let do it. Local government everywhere is clogged by these butt-plugs who went out and campaigned for the job because everybody who was qualified to do it had something better to do.
So, one day, we end up looking around at a world utterly transformed for the worse, and saying 'what the fuck?'
It's as if you exited from a bomb shelter to find that androids had taken over and created Stepford all around you.
And now, it's too late to string them up. Because they're everywhere...
Have a nice day!