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  • Still More Gunhandling...

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        Monday, January 14, 2008

    Still More Gunhandling...

    Sorry, but its on my mind...

    You may find yourself carrying two weapons, for some reason. Common configurations are long gun plus pistol, two pistols, knife and pistol. I own so many, I have to fight buck fever when it comes time to choose one for some application or other.

    First, might I suggest some Basic Training with two handguns, identical if possible. The usual disclaimers apply, safety-wise...we are getting up into the advanced classes here, kids, but still...

    I started my two gun training with a pair of matched .380 Erma 'Baby Lugers'. Tossing a beercan out in front of me, and bouncing it around. And since I see the type of questions I get asked, except for some reading of the basics, I was self taught. You can do that, you know. Doesn't work too well with brain surgery, but...

    The two pistols brought thunder and lightning just fine, smoke, fire, and flying empties....s'all good. And they punch a fine .38 hole in whatever, and you avoid the crater and resultant dirt bath if you had used .40+ caliber weapons. Heck, a pair of Ruger .22 MKII's would have been perfect.

    Now, I'm not much on safety, aside from being a seatbelt fanatic, but as Butthead would say, 'things that hurt thuck....' Never having been a big fan of the pain, allow me to share hard-earned insights into it...

    Automatics eject hot, screaming hot empties when fired. These bits of scorching brass, should they find themselves suddenly down your shirt, do not play well with nipples. They like to bonk off your face, and flip out like thrown cigarettes into your buddies face, so, in training, put some fucking decent eye protection on.

    Revolvers will shoot a jet of superheated gasses out of both sides of the front of the cylinder (if you don't know this already, well, here's your BB gun) that, depending on the caliber, will flay the meat of your hand open, or leave a finger or two squirming like maggots in the dirt. Not all the danger (of exploding a mechanical contrivance in order to emit a raging chunk of hot metal downrange) occurs at the front of the gun. And I have the scars to prove it.

    And if you are firing a gun and the thing says 'pop' instead of bang, or maybe just goes 'pthhhhhht' like a queer trying to lure you into the bushes, set that gun down right then and there, and back away from it as if it was a cobra snake. Wait for a while.

    You can't call EOD, you stinking civilian, so wait 5 minutes until the gun does or does not explode, then approach cautiously, and open it up and remove all rounds and cast them aside. Then, take a section of cleaning rod (you DID bring your cleaning kit with you, did you not?!) And put it down the barrel from the front, and gently tap the rod with your rubber (or wooden) mallet until the round falls out of the barrel chamber.

    Firing a second round just might have blown your face off, cuz you just had your first squib load, baby. Do not fire the gun again, until you have taken the piece (gun) into a professional gunsmith with metallurgical experience, and told him you had a squib load, so's he can use his alchemy to see if anything was strained or broken.

    Heck, I didn't mean for this to turn into a safety lecture (or did he? Hmmmmm...) but there ya go. I just love you people so much, and the money you send me, that I could just hug you really hard around the throat...but the Carotid Takedown is a subject for another day...

    Just think. Look at the weapon. See where the cartridge explodes, and trace its path as it exits, including all those lovely gasses you primitives create with your crude weaponry on this planet. The gas tube of a 'gas-operated' weapon (oh, AK47, SKS, M-16, AR15) will give you a scorch mark you'll never forget. Barrels of guns get hot. Often at the first shot. Fire a cylinder full of .44 magnum, and then stuff that sucker in your pants, let me know how that works out for ya. I've never trained with women, so I can't describe the stench that sizzled pussy hair and scorched Maxi-Pads give off...oh wait, yes I can.

    Feel the burn!

    Okay, you've bought the gun, now, go out and fuck up with it! Have fun! Don't be a wuss. You have a stove, and likely a microwave. Rode a motorcycle? Shut up then.

    All appliances bring their own risks with them.

    And I still owe ya'll a post on two handed, two gun gunhandling.