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  • This is my Blog...There are many like it, but this one is mine...

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        Thursday, January 10, 2008

    Regrets...

    I have come to realize that my oldest kids love and adore me, and that they want me dead.

    During my first divorce, as the ex was telling them I hated them and never wanted to see them again, I was overwatching them from a protected position 500 yards away, because to approach any closer would have put me in jail, and ruined any chance of future visitation.

    So, months and months went by of their formative time, and they learned that love/hate thing we've all seen in broken, ruined families.
    The ex even, when the wife and I found each other, invited us over and began to tear my balls off to my future wife, and I'll never forget her turning on the shrew, and saying 'shut the fuck up, you crazy bitch'.

    I had been waterboarded by my ex's tears over the years, crocodile tears, for her own self, at coming from such a dysfunctional family that yes, even though I hate her, now, it tears my heart out to know what she went through...

    And then she took our kids through it with her. The ultimate, sick revenge.

    Yes, she payed it forward. Not so positive as they try to make it sound. Trust me.

    Regrets.

    History.

    Water under the bridge.

    With dead, bloated babies bobbing along in the current...

    Memories,
    Light the corners of my mind
    Misty water-colored memories
    Of the way we were
    Scattered pictures,
    Of the smiles we left behind
    Smiles we gave to one another
    For the way we were
    Can it be that it was all so simple then?
    Or has time re-written every line?
    If we had the chance to do it all again
    Tell me, would we? Could we?
    Memories, may be beautiful and yet
    What's too painful to remember
    We simply choose to forget
    So it's the laughter
    We will remember
    Whenever we remember...
    The way we were...


    Yeah, the way we were.

    The Past is a jungle cat that leaps onto our back when we get too complacent, and bites into our skulls and takes us down to the forest floor.

    And feeds...