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  • This is my Blog...There are many like it, but this one is mine...

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        Tuesday, November 27, 2007

    Funny...

    This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company
    Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
    rolling after the first paragraph.
    PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter

    Dear Mr. Thatcher,

    I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
    and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard
    Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
    or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
    the beach in tight, white shorts.

    But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
    Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it
    is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure
    I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

    Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
    from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month
    is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
    violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my
    body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to
    call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body
    amazing?

    As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
    seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
    customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know
    about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our
    intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You
    surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last
    week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
    boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told
    her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
    Crazy!

    The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that Americas just
    crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to
    the reason for my letter.

    Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to
    reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always
    maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these
    words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

    Are you fu**ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
    middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
    happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
    mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

    FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never
    be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up
    on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
    march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
    sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

    For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap
    a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
    something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
    'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

    Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
    immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
    chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
    certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
    brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep.
    Always.

    Best,
    Wendi *******
    Austin , TX