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        Saturday, December 23, 2006

    "Just Shut Up And Fuck Me..."

    The first time I heard that was from some woman I was trying to impress. To woo. Society, and other guys (yeah, I know: young...stupid) had led me to believe that was what women wanted. To be wooed, cuddled, cooed at...

    She grabbed my head, turned my face to her desperate eyes, and said "Just shut up and fuck me!" and I was never the same, again. She arched her hips against me, grabbed my prong, and proceeded to fuck us both stupid.

    Recently, it has come to my attention that I have been making a similar mistake, for all of the best reasons:

    She/I am too tired...

    The kids are awake...

    I'm typing...

    I'm cooking...

    I'm reading...

    My pussy/dick is sore...

    I'm having my period...

    Well, fuck all of that bullshit, I bought a license to drive you, it works both ways, so shut up and fuck me, or give me head, or jack me off, I don't care.

    And I'll do the same for you.

    The door swings both ways, guys. If you are in front of the computer, about to level up your Level 80 Mage in World of Warcraft, and she shows up at your shoulder with her robe open, and no panties at all, you better pause that motherfucker, and pull her snatch onto your tongue, and give her a proper tongue-lashing.

    Ladies? Lay down and spreadem. Or limber up your jaws. Or get out the hand lotion. We men don't care. Heck, she can lay there and read, and I'll pump one off in her ass-cleavage, wipe off her back, and we both go back to whatever we were doing.

    I've held my finger back, behind the couch, and she's rubbed off on it while the kids watched Sponge Bob.

    Too many people see marriage as a death sentence. I see it as 'orgasm on demand'. Rich fuckers build game rooms in their houses, and put all sorts of arcade games in them and such. Okay, I admit that's pretty cool, but my knees are still shaking from the savage fuck I just got a bit ago, and you just cannot buy that for a quarter. I hope.

    The wife and I went through a dry spell, and it frustrated and pissed us both off. She was stuck in the stinkin thinkin of well, there's nothing we can do about it, we're parents/busy/etcetera, and it took me, realizing that we were both still sexual Tyrannosauruses, to break us out of our stagnicity.

    I gave her a choice: free me to go get pussy me from my vows, or: put out on demand, within reason. And I gave her the absolute same rights over me.
    Neither of us could stomach going outside the marriage (well... I coul...never mind) and we both agreed that, hey, unless the house was on fire, let's fuck.

    Kids die? Hey, we can adopt. They shoulda been more careful with that chainsaw.

    All that crap about 'putting spice in your relationship' is just so much propagandic bullshit.

    All you really need is some Astroglide, and a few minutes.