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        Monday, December 25, 2006

    It Was A Good Christmas. Nobody Died...

    Well, anybody I cared about, anyway. So far. The night is young, and there are lots of electronical 'music' emitting devices, newly unwrapped, loose in the house.

    Nattie just paid 'the wages of being a spaz', by hitting her 'funny bone', so I laughed, and she screamed at me, and I said well, then why'd you call it a funny bone? I mean, let's be logical, here.

    Actually, this may have been the bestest Christmas, ever. Just usn's here, except for a nice visit from my daughter and son-in-law. I'd like to just call him my son, but I have so many, I am afraid it would confuse people.

    It is nice, just laying around in your underthings, and when the wife wanders into the vicinity of your powerful Bone Rays, you can drag her off and jingle your bells, and 'take her to grandmother's house'. In a manner of speaking.

    Thanks again, to all of you who contributed to the magic of Christmas at Bane House. They both got literally everything they asked Santa for, except for the pony, and for 'Daddy to please stop doing that to my pee-pee'.

    ...ha! Just kidding. Or is he...

    There was no bullshit stress of preparing a meal this year. The wife does it, and loves doing it, but it does take its toll, both on her, and on her day. Yesterday, with my kids visiting, we just broke out the Harry & David's gift box stuff (sadly, the pears are long gone) and she whipped up a meat and cheese plate, set out some cookies and fudge we'd been gifted as well, sliced up a fresh baguette (thin, per my request) and we just snacked and munched, and it was wonderful.

    Oh, and she made some deviled eggs, because she was in the mood for them (hers are the best. Literally) and we all shared a chilled bottle of mead with the repast (verdict: I'm not terribly fond...kind of 'cloying') and we went to bed.

    Then up at the crack of light, and the kids went batshit, and I drank wine while we grimly snipped wires and inserted batteries, and collected up the peeled flesh of murdered trees, colorfully repainted by the savages that inhabit this planet, and sold in rolls, and we just took it outside and threw it in the dumpster. No recycling at all! Ha Ha!

    Johnny got one of these. The find of the Season. Heck, the find of the year. Maybe the decade. And just try to find one. The wife paid $25.00 for his, new, at K-Mart. One of the last two left. She felt guilty paying and additional $5 for an extended service contract on it. I told her she done did good.

    I love this toy. We fight over who gets to use it. I sneak it up behind him and clonk him over the head with its robot arm. Because I haven't figured out how to make it pinch the crap out of him, yet. But I will, oh, I will.
    When the robot clonks him, the robot says "Ow!" which I find hysterical. Johnny? Not so much.
    The thing eats batteries like Oprah's vibrator, two D-Cells in each foot, and three AAA's in the remote control, but I have been chasing people around with it all day, and it shows no sign of letting up. Another fave is to maraud it through Nattie's Princess Ariel Castle setup, and then have it do a victory dance in the middle of the wreckage.

    The kids know full well that if the robot 'has an accident', they will have an accident...

    I got 'Titan Quest' the PC game (which I highly recommend) and I can install it, but it won't play, even when I patch it. Fuck. I hate Christmas. Oh, I'll keep working on it, and finally get it, I'm sure, but just...fuck.

    Well, the kids flat scored. We all stopped and gave thanks, and prayed for all the little poor heathen Chinese and other Turd World children that could not have as nice a day as we were having, and thanked God for keeping their smelly little bug-infested asses over there in foreign lands, amen.

    In your face little foreign children! And furthermore, in retrospect, it must really suck to have only gotten a Dredel, and to see my daughter playing with her Barbie Karaoke Piano and her Barbie Karaoke Guitar! Ha ha! Shoulda evolved better.

    Well, I've viciously assaulted both poor people, and Jews, I think my work here is through.
    Time to sneak up on John and give him another good clunkin' in the Spirit Of Christmas, and all that happy crappy.

    Merry Christmas, everybody! Especially ya'll Muslim fucks! Ooooo, Trifecta!