Don't start shaving any part of your body that you don't want hair growing on. Like your ears, for instance. I saw one fucking hair, and shaved it off, and now it's a full-time fucking job. I hate ear hair. I hate seeing it, and I hate having it. Ditto nose hair. Trimming that shit just gets it excited.
The other day I pulled a two inch fucking hair out of my right ear! I am outraged! It sounded like someone had snapped a three inch hawser by my head. I saw stars.
And all you bitches that shave your muffin and have tats, oh sure, you might look fine, now, but what are you gonna do when you're eighty, and your crotch looks like some old mullah left his beard in there, and your tats look like a finger-painting left in a puddle of water? And have slid down to your elbows, or dripped down your ass and ripple with cellulose...
See, ya gotta look ahead. That's why my old age plan is to die first. I already can't stand the changes. It's like puberty, in reverse or something.
Hey, that trimming tip goes for eyebrows, too. They will go apeshit. On men, anyway. I'm not sure about broads. Maybe one day, all the motherpluckers will be sitting around in the nursing home, tied into their wheel-chairs, peering out from under a hedge of eybrow like a sheepdog. And petting a large cat in their lap, until some little girl screams to her Mom on visiting day "Mommy! That's not a cat! Make Gramma stop doing that!"
I've worked in a nursing home. The Nastiest Place On Earth, outside of Bangladesh. I just shuddered in a warm room, from some of the memories that flooded out before I could jam the lid closed again. And don't even lie to me (and you) that 'your gramps is an exception, because you got him one of the good homes'.
The place I worked at was where rich people paid cash to stay there. Not a Medicaire client in the bunch. Place was a palace, and it was a hellhole. I fired five aides at the same time once for patient abuse. As a warning to all the other assholes. Aides would also not bring a lunch, and eat the meals of the bed-ridden patients they were supposed to feed. I could go on.
But I won't. My work here is through.
Besides, I think I hear a hair growing...