BaneRants  

You must be at least this tall to ride this ride

::Tip Jar::






::Menu::

View My Stats




eXTReMe Tracker


Crusader for Christ Crusader against Islam


This blog is protected from memes by Grundir the Implacable



Creative Commons License
This work
licensed under
a Creative
Commons License
.

RSS FEED

email me






::Links::


Pat Dollard

James Lileks
(My Idol)


Sharp Knife
(My Other Hero)


BaneRants
(Wordpress)

Now With Best ofs!

Haunted Soldier

Curses & Chrome

All Atwitter

Maiden Magnetic

Random Bits of Pomposity

Baldilocks

Vox Day

Velociman

Pondering...

Doc in the Box

Protein Wisdom

Atlas Shrugs

Twenty Major

Northwoods
Woman


Kolyada.com

Olbermmeinfuhrer

DaddyBlogger



::Previous::
  • In Praise Of The Sandwich...



  • ::Past::
  • September 2002
  • October 2002
  • November 2002
  • December 2002
  • January 2003
  • February 2003
  • March 2003
  • April 2003
  • May 2003
  • June 2003
  • July 2003
  • August 2003
  • September 2003
  • October 2003
  • November 2003
  • December 2003
  • January 2004
  • February 2004
  • March 2004
  • April 2004
  • May 2004
  • June 2004
  • July 2004
  • August 2004
  • September 2004
  • October 2004
  • November 2004
  • December 2004
  • January 2005
  • February 2005
  • March 2005
  • April 2005
  • May 2005
  • June 2005
  • July 2005
  • August 2005
  • September 2005
  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • May 2006
  • June 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • March 2009
  • June 2009
  • July 2009
  • August 2009
  • October 2009
  • November 2009
  • May 2011
  • September 2012







  • This is my Blog...There are many like it, but this one is mine...

    This page is powered by Blogger.


        Thursday, April 13, 2006

    In Praise Of The Sandwich...

    Steve H. has been pontificating and such over on his (not really a blog, honest!) blog about The Noble Sandwich.
    Now, Steve is the Jedi Master of all things food, and I am a mere plebe, but I know what I like. And what I don't like.

    That's right, folks, Bane has a foible. Oh, I have several other weird, unique, and perhaps bizarre foibles, but that is grist for another post, methinks...

    But!

    Bane hates to get his hands messy. The thought of sauce dripping down Bane's fingers drives Bane nuts. Bane eats fried chicken with a knife and a fork.

    There, I've said it. My wife remarked, when we first met, that I was the neatest eater she'd ever seen. She would watch me eat with such fascinating admiration, that it made me uncomfortable. I guess you could, if you threw caution (and your teeth) to the wind, call me 'delicate'. Oh, I can throw caution to the winds when I eat ribs and such...you know what they say about when rape is inevitable, just lay back and enjoy it, but I am at the nearest water source for a furious cleansing as soon as I am done, and I am still the neatest rib eater you have ever seen.

    So this...foible, keeps me from enjoying those sandwiches which drip juice down your hands (and chin...shudder) unless I can have it on a plate/platter and have at it with knife and fork. Those dastardly plastic baskets, lined with faux waxed paper? I'll order something else then, thank you. Or leave.
    Oh, I can eat with my fingers just fine, fries and such, but I only use the tips of two or three, and wipe them clean regularly.

    [NOTE: this 'foible' does not extend to how Bane eats pussy. I am like a five year old doing a cannon-ball into the pool, with pussy. Drip away, splatter it around, I don't care. Doesn't bother me a bit.]

    My taste in sandwiches runs to comfort food, peanut butter and jelly (or honey) ranking right there at the top, with bologna...oh, fuck it, baloney ranking there a close second. A simple fried egg sandwich on white bread with Gulden's Spicy Brown Mustard comes in a very close third. Tuna is fourth, and a nice, non-drippy hamburger comes in at fifth.

    I like 'punk' bread. The Home Pride Butter Top white and brown come in at the top of my list. The mayo must be Best Foods (Hellman's), and the yellow mustard must be French's. I have tried all of the others, and nothing comes close.
    I love Kraft products, especially their horseradish spread. I go both ways with relish, though I usually tend to prefer the sweet over the dill.

    If I want a fancy restaurant sandwich, I'll go to a restaurant. We have a place here in town that I'm told serves a genuine Philly Cheese-steak sandwich, but it looks too much like something the dog horked up on the kitchen floor after grubbing through the garbage, for my tastes. I do so enjoy a good meatball sub, though my animus towards Jarrod, and all things Subway has been noted on these pages before.

    It is hard to find an authentic Reuben, but when I do, I enjoy one. I love a good roast beef on rye with lots of lettuce and brown mustard. I am weak in the knees for almost any kind of hot dog. As a matter of fact, go back to my list, and put hot dogs above hamburgers. I am having Hebrew Nationals (along with homemade mac and cheese) for my birthday meal.

    I will not eat any weird deli meats, such as tongue, or brains. They are of the devil, and you who eat it should be tortured in the fiery pits. Head cheese? Whose fucking monstrous idea was that? Yeesh! Limburger? Why don't you just meander on over to the cat box and fish out a nice Almond Roca there, shit-breath? Limburger was made as a joke, and apparently, enough people don't get it, so they eat it.
    Go sit in the pits with the tongue-eaters.

    Oddly, I love my wife's homemade bread, but I rarely if ever make a sandwich out of it. If I do, it's usually a PBJ.

    The biscuit and muffin and bagel sandwiches deserve honorable mention. When we are flush, the wife and I spoil ourselves with cream cheese and salmon on a toasted, buttered bagel. Sometimes a hair-thin slice of a sweet onion between the cream cheese and the fish. Heaven. And don't shirk on the cream cheese. Quit buying that 'light' shit, you nasty fat bastard. Get the good stuff. Lose weight so you can enjoy it.
    Oh, and Kraft makes a killer salmon cream cheese that is to die for. That strawberry shit tastes like elf cum, though. Not recommended.

    So, any of you sandwich eaters? I probably eat them (sandwiches, not elves) more than I eat anything else.

    Dammit, I almost forgot grilled cheese. Put that up there above fried egg.


    .




    Comments: Post a Comment