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  • This is my Blog...There are many like it, but this one is mine...

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        Saturday, February 11, 2006

    Things I Don't Get...

    And mind you, I have tried them or been offered to try them all. Except for the cartoons. And Katy Couric.

    Bondage.
    Why? You'll shut up and lay there, bitch, and like it. Ew. Sorry. Oh, I'll happily paddle you, because I know that the way to a woman's heart is through her ass cheeks, but seriously. Fuck, I don't even like putting on safety equipment for sports, why would I want to tie up my fuck? And that whole ball gag thing...goodness. If you want to shut them up, it is because you are a lousy lover, and don't want to hear about it. My fuck sessions sound like a Harlem prayer meeting.

    Oysters.
    I love fish. My Dad eats Sea Anemone testicles, and enjoys them. Yeah, it's like that. Turn them (oysters) into soup and sauce, fine. But if you eat an oyster off the shell, you would suck a leper's festering eyeball from his rotting skull. Ditto Mussels. And they stink. Clams? They are the Gentlepersons of shelled fish, and are wonderful however they are prepared.

    Queers.
    With all that pussy out there, why would you fuck a guy? Just because a guy would fuck anything, doesn't mean he should. I am sure that there are guys other than me who were disturbingly turned on by the heaving bosoms of the Sea Witch Ursula in The Little Mermaid, or wondered just exactly how one would bang Princess Ariel, she being a fish, and all [See: Oysters]
    And why do fags feel a need to act all girly? HELLO! We have plenty of girls! And you macho, buffed up fags are just scary and weird. Stop it.

    Katy Couric.
    Even when birds shit on her, people insist she's cute. I'd punch in her soft spot with a claw hammer, just to make her stop...whatever it is she does. Ditto Al Roker, by the way. They should have stapled his head shut. He looks like a garbage-bag full of Oprah's liposuction, and sounds like a cornpone, southern-fried Don Knotts. Yeesh.

    Oh yes, there's more, but I am off to my zombies.
    Little known Bane-Fact: it is always difficult for me to accept a blowjob during or after a zombie movie. If I feel teeth, someone's gettin a bullet in the head.

    Happy Saturday!




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