Slaughter...

I just finished splitting some kind of sand-nigger looking asshole down through the collarbone to his pelvis with a sword I took from his brother, who I killed a few minutes ago...I took a break, leaning on the sword, breathing hard, breath tasting of blood and ammonia...my shoulder was sore, and three arrows were stuck in my ribs through the armor, and were skritching on the bone and smarted like shit, I'll tell you...fuck! Swing from somewhere around my ankles and split his pissed off wife through the crotch, kick her twitching body off my blade, drop, turn, snap a boot into some little fuckers knee, splash his brains with the pommel, toss the sword, and unlimber the crossbow. PftPftPft and another one drops screeching, brain blood spurting into the air in a violent arc as he drops...rush forward, drop on his chest hard to the sweet music of crushed ribs, slice his throat to the spine with my poignard, flip it into the crotch of something dead and insane and raising a war hammer over my head, then two bolts PftPft up into the throat and the head spatters nicely like a thrown bucket of bloody oatmeal and...

fuck. email. S'cuse me...hit Pause. Slug some wine. Trying to play a game here! Dammit.

Got Sci-Fi on the tube, too. A new, instant classic. 2004. Get this, starring...wait for it...Corey Feldman! Yes! Puppet Master vs Demonic Toys! Need I say more? Corey? Puppets? I think not. What is there not to love? Well, there is Vanessa Angel, featuring her Ass-Lips of Doom, but you can forgive her, because she is running a toy company called, get this...Sharpe Toys! Get it? Oh, I have soaked a Maxi-Pad over this one, I'll tell you. Imagining those lips, where they belong, crinkling as they work like an underfilled waterbed mattress, burdened with their injections of Dead Man's Ass Fat....ohhhh..oh..oh..I spend!

So, how's your Saturday night been?