Well, the press are short-stroking themselves all over the place. I had to turn the TV off, things were getting so gooey. They'd finish with theirs, and then reach over and grab the other guys dick and start pumping. I don't need to see that.
They are doing the same thing they do every four years that they say every four years they will never do again...projecting. And, apparently, there are just loads of dipshits who watch the 'news' as if it was actually relevant and say "welp, looks like my guys gonna win, so I might as well stay home an hump the dog" and that is how the Asshole Party gets in.
Golly, I hate people. There should be only one voter. The Primal Voter. Ubervotenchen. Me. The candidates should have to come to me. Convince me why they belong in the job. Blow me. I should be able to ask them questions, and kick them in the balls if I don't like the answer. Oh, to be sure, I would accept emailed suggestions for questions, but in the end, I'm the one who decides, and thence to the Electoral College. Hey, this is America.
No, in a country as evenly divided as we are supposed to be, at least fifty percent of you assholes should never be allowed near another chad again. We still have to sit on a donut because of the ass-reaming we got during the Clinton Descendancy, and they have the nuts to put up a petri dish of his coagulated sperm that is John Kerry and seriously expect the proto-human voter to go for him? Well, as a dog returneth to his vomit, they are lapping it up off the lawn in droves.
Think about it, folks. I'm running to be your voter. Give me your proxy, and I promise to listen to every candidate seriously. Even the damn Libertarians. No Socialists, though, or Arabs like Nader. What the fuck are they thinking, letting sworn enemies of America campaign to lead her? Dipshits.
So, a vote for me, is a vote for a brighter, more secure future. A future full of beer, where Kentucky Fried Chicken has to sell buckets of ribs again, and buckets of chicken, for that matter, and not those flappy-ass boxes. An America where Jenna Jameson can be Secretary of State, and fuck other heads of state so stupid they forget what they were doing with their silly weapons programs and worry more about if they pulled a groin muscle. Where Richard Ramirez, the Night Stalker, is made an Assitant Secretary of Defense, in charge of the Arab Problem, and he gets to stay free as long as we don't hear any nonsense from the Middle East.
Yes, People, I have a vision for America, and if you elect me as your voter, together, we can go to Our Happy Place, where the Bad Men can't hurt us any more.
God Bless America!