Wednesday, June 30, 2004
has been around a long time, and it needs to keep going around...
Until all the palicrackers are circling the drain, on their way into the septic tank of history where they belong, with all of the other poorly chewn corn.
My Wiking Heritage...
...curled up in a ball, whimpering
But oh so cool!
Big and powerful, you have a long history behind you with more good
and bad than you care to remember, or are really capable of remembering. Lately, in
older age, you've gotten sort of crochety and even mean-spirited. There is still a
lot that's beautiful about you, but most of the focus people have when they think about you
is how hard it is to work with you. There's hope that you might start opening up to
people, but lots of people have bumper stickers about how much you should
Take the href="http://bluepyramid.org/ia/cquiz.htm">Country Quiz at the href="http://bluepyramid.org">Blue Pyramid
I don't know what to think about this Marine towelhead captive. I feel guilty, because my first reaction when I heard news that he had been AWOL and betrayed by his own (muslum) kind was "Good! I hope they cut his fucking head off!"
And then I felt guilty. I need your help. Normally I don't care what you think, but how do you feel about this guy? Any Marines who care to, comment or email me about how you'll feel if one of your brothers gets beheaded.
That goes for all you other readers and lurkers, too. We can go off on tangents about how every damn muslum in the military should have been transferred to a motor pool in Kansas on 9/12 where they could sort parts until this thing gets settled. But I'd rather know how you feel about it, if he turns out to be a deserter muslum turncoat like it looks, and gets his nappy head lopped off by a brother muslum as a result.
I am truly conflicted on this. I wish he was just a National Guardsman or something.
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Well, Maybe Not All Brits Are Fags...
...but some of them
sure are. Any order issued by Wastely Cluck should not be followed. That is a given. But this sort of behavior illustrates what kind of tea-sipping nancy-boys the brits have become.
We are trying to kick ass, and they are social engineering and being 'diplomatic'.
Some kind of ally.
Oh, and piss off in advance, TB...your leadership smokes the pink Havana. Socialist twats.
Well, This Is Weird...
I found this
totally by accident. Which led me to this
(scroll down...hey look! I'm 17th!...at...something..).
Does this mean anything? Should I hire a solicitor to obtain me my rightful share of the profits, plus some punitive lucre?
The internet never fails to make me say "huh?"
Monday, June 28, 2004
30% mortality rate...I'd buy that
for a dollar!
Sunday, June 27, 2004
My new favorite word. Go here
to see it's origin.
Try to get this word in the dictionary, folks.
This guy is slow to update, so it should be the first article on his blog, which y'all should have read every bit of by now.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Israeli bullets, oiled with pork fat...The Allahnator!
Tonight. I only say because I'm a big fan, and the website said it wasn't coming until later this summer.
The Goddess Ann Speaks!
Kneel, worm, and grovel
in ecstasy that she allows her shadow to fall over you.
And it's got the best.title.ever.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
So Right On One Level...
...and so wrong
I go from reverence and admiration, to wanting to kick his withered ass, and then back, and then forth again, and now my head hurts.
This is a worthy read, but worth what has yet to be determined.
Tick Tick Tick...
If this doen't cause us to pull out of the UN and kick them off our shores, then every paranoid fantasy every militia nut has ever had about the UN taking over this country is going to come true, sooner or later.
My vote's on sooner.
Monday, June 21, 2004
Pot Calling Kettle Black...
Yes, I actually would
pay good money to see these two
...with razor wire wrapped around their corpulent carcasses.
This Makes Me Happy...
Ahhhh, the dance of death
. Too bad they didn't get his buddies.
If yer a wuss, don't look.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Just Because I Can...
I watched the flag pass by one day,
It fluttered in the breeze.
A young Marine saluted it,
And then he stood at ease..
I looked at him in uniform
So young, so tall, so proud,
With hair cut square and eyes alert
He'd stand out in any crowd.
I thought how many men like him
Had fallen through the years.
How many died on foreign soil
How many mothers' tears?
How many pilots' planes shot down?
How many died at sea
How many foxholes were soldiers' graves?
No, freedom isn't free.
I heard the sound of Taps one night,
When everything was still,
I listened to the bugler play
And felt a sudden chill.
I wondered just how many times
That Taps had meant "Amen,"
When a flag had draped a coffin.
Of a brother or a friend.
I thought of all the children,
Of the mothers and the wives,
Of fathers, sons and husbands
With interrupted lives.
I thought about a graveyard
At the bottom of the sea
Of unmarked graves in Arlington.
No, freedom isn't free.
Salem's Lot Tonight!!...
Tonight, 8pm, and again at 10pm. TBS
. Mini-series, concludes tomorrow night, same vampire bat time, same vampire bat channel. Be there!!
This is a NEW MOVIE!! Not the perfectly wonderful David Soul movie from 1970whatever.
When I read the book, I had just finished dealing with some real vampire stuff of my own, and the book totally creeped me out. I worked nights (my preferred shift) and I had my girlfriend shine my Maglite on my car while I rushed to it, pistol in hand, checked behind the seats, and then locked myself in and raced off.
I hope this new movie rocks. I watched the European release version of the David Soul 'Salem's Lot' in a dank hotel basement conference room with Mr King hisself back in the day. We were blasted on tequila and Coors Light (which I had bootlegged to Tennesee, Coors didn't ship there then...); it was a completely different version, uncut, sexy and bloody. I wish I could find a copy of it.
I have several signed first edition copies of Salem's Lot if yer interested...HAHA!! PSYCHE!! I'd never sell them...they are the big fat black paperback with the embossed death-child cover, with the red blood drop in the corner of its mouth. Goes nice with my signed (empty) packs of Pall Mall Reds.
Man, I used to be a fan, until he went all to shit. I pray for a comeback.
Saturday, June 19, 2004
I Just Want...
...to say to you all
Thank you, and good night. I'll be here all week.
If You Care...
...and if this works, here
is a list of my favorite movies. 'Night of the Comet' is #1, and the rest are in no particular order.
This is a work in progress. If the link don't work, I'll fix it tomorrow, because right now I have to go shoot up some heroin and rape a Brownie.
And the first person who comments about 'what do I have against savory snack foods' gets one between the eyes.
Man Bites Dog...
I am not saying you should see this movie
. In fact, I would strongly suggest that you do NOT
see this movie.
I am shamed...diminished
by the fact that I enjoyed this movie. Perhaps you should not be reading this blog, because deep down, I am really am
one twisted motherfucker. Reading this blog could damage your brain. You all are lucky I am so well adjusted.
I was watching the NC-17 version last night on the IFC channel. I was in the mood for such fare, and my wife was bathing the kids upstairs. She came down to get night-night snacks for the little ones and I warned her "you probably shouldn't look at the television right now..."
"Honey, I don't even want to be hearing
it right now..." I muted it, some, until she left the room.
Tarantino watched this, and realized he was merely a cartoonist working in four colors, while Belvaux and Bonzel used so many colors they imploded into black & white.
I don't think I've had a film twist me this way since I saw 84C MoPic one midnight in a locked mental ward.
Don't go see this movie. Don't go rent this movie. If you have seen and enjoyed this movie, I don't want to hear about it. We sociopaths are solitary types, and don't like others of our kind in our territory.
I mean it.
It's Always Darkest...
...just before it turns completely black.
"The night turned black, and came down with a case of stars..."
Two lines I wish I'd written. Describes my mood to a T. Somewhere between fatalistically depressed, and a seething, murderous rage.
And I see Haloscan has taken a shit again. Oh, well. It's free, and this is a hobby.
Got stuck watching this awesome infomercial this morning for some kinda steam cleaner. My wife wandered in, and we agreed it was 'too cool' and she went off to order it. I have never heard my wife yell at someone on the phone before. Seems that there was a hidden shipping charge on the associated 'free' items of over $25, and this banged her budget too hard. She had already given the woman all of her info, including the credit card number, and the gook broad wasn't letting her cancel the order. More yelling. My sweet, soft-spoken wife yelling and using phrases like "dumb gook motherfucker!" with the lack of panache of one unused to swearing, has got to be one of the signs of the Apocalypse...like seeing Mother Teresa snap and slap some orphan and scream "what more do you want from me, you leprous little fuck!"
I really want that steamer. Between cleaning my guns, and my barbecues, it would kick serious ass. And I am positive it will get out the skidmarks in my shorts, too. Just uses tap water. Friggin amazing.
It is hot enough today to tempt me to pull the air conditioner out of the garage and hook it up. Naaahhh.
It's nap time.
Friday, June 18, 2004
It's Your Dad...
Or your brother. Or your son. Lying there in a bloody heap. His head sawn off by people you do not and can not ever know or understand.
The press is outside, with their painfully bright camera lights. All you hear throughout the house is crying. Sobbing. Occasional outbursts of anger that descend into sobbing and snuffling. And helicopters, whupping furtively overhead, like buzzards hoping for a nice, tasty, smelly portion of what used to be your life, cameras at the ready...
Is your computer on? Is the glow calling to you? An email to a well-wisher is currently up, unfinished. You ran out of letters...every one you typed seem to evaporate off the screen. Someone has used a rusty garden trowel to scoop out your intestines, and when you breath in through your nose you smell blood, and your heart pounds sometimes in rythyms that tell you you could die, right here, right now, and nothing anybody can do can save you, and you wouldn't want that anyway because if it happened you would clench your teeth and crawl off to somewhere dark and die as quietly as you could because the pain would stop and maybe, just maybe, you could be with him again, and hold him and comfort him and put your hand over his mouth and silence the scream and rub his hair and tell him that it is all right, we're with Jesus now, and nobody can ever hurt us again.
Ahhh, the comfort of the computer. A familiar thing. Pull the chair back, minimize the email, and go to Drudge. You've done this a hundred times a day for years...it's a comfort place. A link. The word 'photos' catches your eye. You haven't seen him in months, and you...
You just click. That's all you do. Just one click.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Go Sniff Around...
Buy something. Have a snack. Give some love. And you who link, give him one
, dammit. Quit being so picky. We...well, not me, but you chimps who care...need ATTENTION!!
Get down on it, sha la la la la la...
As a totally unrelated side note, it struck me the other day that when married, I have taken all kinds of shit from my bound partner, but when I was dating, I never argued... even once. A woman came on with the smack, and I left her on the spot. "Next!"
Life is too short.
Several of them I miss, to this day.
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself...
and his wife
piss me off with their Godless atheism, and certain libertarian attitudes, but he is still on my list of daily reads. Gems like this
keep me coming back for more.
God Bless Kim Du Toit.
Bookmarked him yet, dipstick?
Off With Their Heads...
I want our troops to start taking heads. I want to see a pile of Arab heads being shown on Al Jizzuminya TV. I want to see a couple of Marines on TV playing an impromptu game of soccer with some al queda fucks dirty bearded bean.
I want the Saudis to show the captives that al queda are demanding the release of on TV, with the Royal Executioner standing behind them, smiling and pointing at his sword. Then I want them to announce that if our American hostages aren't released unharmed within 24 hours, they will all be beheaded, live on TV. And then follow through if neccesary.
If the Saudis refuse to do this, I would gas Riyadh, including all of the stupid Americans who are there to make money and help keep those fat, corrupt, boy-fucking fake 'princes' in power.
Too bad Bush and his clan and everybody currently in government are too corrupt to do anything positive.
More Craziness From Debka...
DEBKAfile reveals: Arafat allows his men to cooperate with British MI6 agents in creating joint “operations centers” on West Bank, accept “operating expenses” and take delivery of hundreds of new British vehicles. This will keep his forces afloat until he can deliver coup de grace to Sharon and his disengagement plan.
I sometimes feel like I am the last sane person on earth when I see crap like this.
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
More Proof The End Is Nigh...
, mixed with a heapin helpin of stupidity can't be a good thing.
The end is near, not that there's anything wrong with that.
We are not being pushed over the edge, we are jumping.
Monday, June 14, 2004
Everybody Wang Choad Tonight...
Just in case a homo wanders through here this evening:
Yes, I hate you. When I take over the world, you will all be sent to camps, where you will sew epaulets and other cool uniform accessories for me and my army until your fingers bleed and then you die and we warm our palaces by us burning your bodies in energy efficient, smog-free ovens.
TUA and Simon from Assholian Idol will be spared, both as museum curiosities, and because I intend to appoint TUA as my Secretary of War, and cut her loose on the planet; Simon will be my Secretary of State, to deal with all of those other smart-ass faggots around the world who think they are all that. Takes a fag to catch a fag, I always say.
Any lesbanian who wishes to escape the doom of the camps may come and kneel before (behind?) me and kiss my ring...meat...and! while wearing an explodable necklace, can frolic like a nymph through my gardens. The ugly ones will replace the Mexican gardeners who have suddenly disappeared, along with the entire male population of Mexico, down a long train track that ends at a column of smoke. Voz Aztlan THIS, muthafukka.
Tremble, Fruits! There is a smoothie in your futures! And you are the ingredient!
As I cast my All-Seeing Eye around the land, it occurs to me that we will need cotton, as well, to sustain our uniform manufacturing...Hey! OJ! Get your brown ass over here! And bring Sharpton with you!
It has been obvious that I am not a member of the Bushgeoisie for some time now. Screw all of the fatuous nonsense about him being a stumble bum. He's President of the United States, and you're not, so shut up, stupid. That's like someone trying to put down Charles Krauthammer or Steven Hawkings for being crippled.
No, Bush is a Special Kind of Evil. He is doing this stupid shit on purpose, for some purpose, and for some one. Like postulating an unseen planet by it's effect on the bodies around it, I see a hidden hand, here...right up GW's ass. Whose hand it is remains to be seen, but I'm guessing he/they do not have We The People's best interests at heart.
I disagree with the lovely and talented Vox Day that Bush is a craven coward. He moves like a man immune. He makes jaw-dropping decisions with no apparent fear for himself. To be able to do that, you must fear some one or some thing more.
And, yet, I will cast my vote for him, along with the four other votes I control.
By hook, or by crook, Kerry has been made unacceptable by whatever forces are handling him. Any other choice is merely petulant vanity.
Of course, that hairy beast Hillary could be slouching off to Washington, waiting to be born...
And What To My Wondering Eye Did Appear?...
I turn on the TV after turning off the alarm this morning, and I am greeted with the surreal tableau of our current President smiling and glad-handing our Impeached President and that diseased fuck-hole douchebag cunt of a 'wife', in MY WHITE HOUSE!!!
There should be a rule that people you wouldn't allow in your own home shouldn't be allowed into the People's House.
Fuck. What The Fuck. Wonder if Slick Willie got wood from being so close to the Toilet Seat of Power, where Monica spit what DNA that didn't dribble off her chin onto that dress.
I just heard a clip of George 'Joker' Bush praising Bill, and not once mentioning his most infamous historical record, just some nonsense about how many times Bill bamboozled the yokels in Arkansas to vote for him, and then GW plugs Bill's fucking vanity book for him.
Ahhhh, there's the rub...a US President pimping a book for a large chain of bookstores with connections to the newspaper and television news industry.
I get it now. Makes perfect sense when you think about it.
Sunday, June 13, 2004
I just finished reading a week of Lileks
, and I realized about half way through, that I will never be able to write as good as him. Closely on the heels of that thought was "Good!"...I would hate that. I enjoy him, he is a delight, and a strong part of what makes him that to me is that he is a Big Dog. I have no trouble at all being somewhere back in the pack. With Leaders up at the front like Lileks and Reed
, I'll trot along contented back here just fine, thank you.
I'm sure you have varying classes of blogs that you read. I break it down into 'blogs where they write better than me', 'blogs who write as good as me', and 'blogs with pictures of tits'. Oh, and 'chick blogs'...I am always amazed at how those lovely creatures think. It's like watching unicorns cavort from the safety of a tree blind.
Again, I do this for me. Come along if you want, but keep your seatbelt on and pipe down. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you. We can have polite conversation, but be quiet when Daddy's talking.
We're almost there...
Why Liberals Are...
...too stupid to live
Do everybody a favor, and kill one. If we all just killed one, just one, maybe we could reverse the Stupid that is swallowing this country whole.
Now, go do your part for a better America...
The Chronicles Of Riddick...
I absolutely LOVED this movie. I loved 'Pitch Black' (is that an awesome title, or what?) and they retain Twohy for the series. It is obvious at the end of 'Riddick' that there will be more, and I can hardly wait.
You turds THINK too much when you go into the theatre. Check your brain at the door, and only if the Director grossly insults you should you retrieve it from the hat check girl and leave in a huff (as I did during the excreble 'Paycheck' recently).
Go see Riddick just to piss off that fat homo Eberts, then read his review, then come tell me about the dichotomy and disconnect you see between people like him and people like me.
For some reason this movie reminded me of the wonderful, original, full version of David Lynch's vision of 'Dune', a sense of "what the fuck?" combined with a sense of "who fucking cares!"
Riddick is incredible, and if you don't agree with me, go away.
Sounds Like The Negroes...
...have been taking lessons
from our Federal Government...
France spreads her legs
Hmmmm, THIS Is Weird...
What do you make of this little snippet from Debka
DEBKAfile reports arrival of dozens of British MI6 secret service agents on West Bank and Gaza Strip, bring hundreds of vehicles for Palestinian security personnel. From Jenin they conduct surveillance of Jewish settlements.
Think Israel will rocket a car full of terrorists if it is owned and driven by the British Secret Service?
And why would England do this? What do they hope to gain for their own self-interests?
The lovely and talented Vox Day
has some further insight on Islamo-Saxon weirdness.
Friday, June 11, 2004
Why Aren't You...
...reading this blog
every day. I love this story!
Thursday, June 10, 2004
Home On The Range...
Monday before last, one of my Marine sons and I spent his last day of leave at the gun range I just joined. It is a beautiful place, and everybody should join, or at least pay to visit a range in their area...yesterday.
It has been seven years since I have fired a gun other than on New Years Eve. It's like riding a bike. I was firing guns I have never fired before, with guns I have fired since I was a teen and (allow me to brag) I still kick ass.
We had one of several enclosed bays to ourselves, with the furthest range being about 35 yards. Once I zeroed in my Colt 10mm, I was popping those little adhesive black dots you cover up target holes with ease. At 25 yards.
We ended up shooting until we were literally shot out. I can't recall a time when I was just done shooting. Done. Our fingers were tired from loading magazines, our hands and shoulders had taken enough whacking, and we were filthy with gun cum. It was mahvelous.
We ended up setting up lines of 9mm empties on the far bank, and doing speed drills with the two scoped Ruger 10/22's I'd brought. It's a gas, seeing a tiny little silver casing in the center of the reticule, and then watching it disintegrate.
Winchester .44 mag lever action carbine...kicks like a fucking mule with Remington 240 magnums, and likes to jump up and smack your cheek...very uncomfortable. .44 Special Silvertips tame it and make it shoot like a capgun. Either way, the most accurate open sight rifle (other than my old Winchester .22 autoloader) out of the box that I've ever fired. You can keyhole rounds all day long easily with this stubby little bastard, both standing and supported. For under $300, I feel blessed.
1911 Colt .45 auto...figured it would be the gun we fired most during the day, but the fucker is broke somehow. Raps off two, three rounds at a time, and then gives you a good pinch on the back of the web of your hand as a happy fuck you. Gunsmith time.
Colt Delta Elite 10mm...gun I fired the most. VERY pleasant to shoot, though loud as hell and kicks with authority. Slows down the double-tap process, but with .41 magnum velocities, who cares? Not one jam, fired everything from Hydrashoks to CCI Blazers (and BOXES of those) flawlessly. I can pick a pimple out on your face and pop it with this gun.
Ruger P-85 9mm...trigger pull like an old whores pussy...sloppy and feels funny. Once you realize that you have to take up slack EVEN ON SINGLE ACTION SHOTS, though, you can drive tacks with it. Never jammed in hundreds of rounds, and kicks like a BB gun.
Ruger Super Blackhawk .44 mag...I took off the Pachymar sawhandle grips and put the cowboy wooden stocks back on, and it went from a gun I could only shoot five or six times to an absolute pleasure. Single action grips for a single action cannon. Who'd a thunk it. Again, you can put six shots into a bottle cap at 75 feet with it.
Mossberg Defender 12 ga...a bear to shoot with 00 buck, so we shot just enough for desensitization, and then switched to light game loads and fired until it was good and broke in. At 25 yards, it puts nine 9mm holes in a space the size of a dinner plate with one double O buck round. Sweet.
Ruger 10/22's...scary accurate. I have scope rings that allow you to use either open sights, or the scope. Either way, it puts them all through the same hole. We were dumping 25 round banana clips into an area you could cover with a nickel, rapid fire. Once upon a time I shot a blue jay out of the air at about 75 yards with one of these and a scope. I only lead him about 8 inches.
Ruger .22 MkII pistol...another dream to shoot, accurate like all Ruger products are, right out of the box. Not one jam, or any other flaw. Shot it until it was as filthy as Madonna's fartpipe, just because, and it refused to jam. At all.
Assorted illegal belly guns...you get what you pay for, baby. After this experience, I am buying a .45/410 over-under derringer for $150 as my hideout gun.
Saiga AK-47 clone, 7.62x39...had to take it over to the rifle range. Only had time for 20 rounds apiece...our beer glands were throbbing. 50 yds, kept em in the liver area. Need more practice, with more daylight and a spotting scope. Kicks like the .44 special Winchester. Major
muzzle blast. I'm going to buy the AK muzzle brake and weld it on. No other way. Fucking stupid gun laws. That bare hole on the end makes quite a hefty bang.
All in all, it was a blissful day.
I don't usually rewrite, but every time I look this over I see some new fucked up thing I need to fix. Man, was I dain-bramaged when I wrote this. I think God wants me to quit blogging. Too bad. I was gonna tell you about my crazy neighbor who attacked me with a bat the other day...
Sunday, June 06, 2004
A Reader Asks...
...that I do some sort of tribute to Ronald Reagan.
This is difficult. To many of you Baby Conservatives, RR is a Saint. He is the thing that kept you sane as you grew up in a seemingly liberal world. It seemed so because the Battle of the Schools was lost long ago, and your parents were too unimaginative to notice or care. Oh, well.
I was in the military when RR was sworn in, and his policies began to take effect. The comparison between RR's and Carter's regime was like night turning into day. We went from grey, faceless drones, bent-backed under the weight of communism, to Red White and Blue Patriots quite literally overnight. It swept all of society, not just the military. We entered a new age, with a Leader, like all of them are, set up and blessed by God. And yes, even Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter were put in place by God. Mysterious ways. Nuff said.
Ronald Reagan did God's work, and for that he stands blessed, unlike the others who shirked, and will live in ignominy. Like any man, he had his faults, and was a doomed creature. His wife is a raving nut, and his kids are fucked up beyond belief. That says something about a man.
I have never forgiven him for not avenging the Marine dead at the Khobar Towers, and for allowing Beirut to turn into a cesspool of terrorism. I believe that GW would have carpet-bombed the shit out of them if he had to, and that RR was just plain weak.
I have never forgiven RR for signing legislation while Governor of California that kept the authorities from being able to lock up lunatics, and in fact dumped them out on our streets, where the liberals renamed them 'homeless', and they pillage and torment across the land to this very day, because all of the other states emulated California's law. Just for that, I'm glad he's dead.
That being said, RR was perhaps the most powerful voice Conservatism has ever had, and he could have been a powerhouse through the Gingrich Supremacy...but God put a coal to his lips, silencing him, and making him a pitiable creature. Mysterious Ways. I don't get it, and, thankfully, it's not up to me to understand.
93 is plenty old enough. I am glad his suffering has ended. I hope the plane carrying his family back from the ceremony slams into a mountain. He was a good man, generally, and God, through him, did some great things. Some very bright people wrote some incredible speeches that he delivered admirably.
I think history will show him to be one of humanities greatest leaders...
And you know how much I love humanity.
Saturday, June 05, 2004
I saw an ad for a new Trojan condom that heats up for your pleasure when you use it.
This should be a big hit in the Necrophiliac Community...
Friday, June 04, 2004
You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here.
Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss, and _when_.
Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.
Wherever possible, put people on hold.
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
and despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
Remember The Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.
Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you -
That lemon on your left, for instance.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore. It will stick to your face.
Gracefully surrender the things of youth: birds,
Clean air, tuna, Taiwan.
And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Hire people with hooks.
For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Candy.
Take heart in the deepening gloom
That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.
And reflect that whatever fortune may be your lot,
It could only be worse in Milwaukee.
You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.
Therefore, make peace with your god,
Whatever you perceive him to be - hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.
With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,
The world continues to deteriorate.
By Popular Demand
Double Secret Update:
Because, apparently you all are illiterate, I present the original
that all the above parodies...CARIES WARNING!
You may need to brush your teeth several times while reading...this was written long before saccharin.
I think it's obvious which one I like better...
The REAL Reason Bush Is A Dumbass...
It's not the speeches. Anybody can stutter and stammer.
Nope, it's his public stance on Islam, which leads to evil nonsense like this
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Mans Best Friend...
When a dog is shitting your Dad
out all over the yard, why wouldn't you want to duct tape it's muzzle and torture it to death in the comfort and privacy of your basement or garage?
Think about this the next time you dipshits let your dog lick your face. Gads, I hate you people.
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
The Godess Ann Speaks!
Kneel, worms, and grovel
at her greatness!
My favorite paragraph EVER:
The good news is: Liberals' anti-war hysteria seems to have run its course. I base this conclusion on Al Gore's lunatic anti-war speech last week. Gore always comes out swinging just as an issue is about to go south. He's the stereotypical white guy always clapping on the wrong beat. Gore switched from being a pro-defense Democrat to a lefty peacenik – just before the 9-11 attack. He grew a beard – just in time for an attack on the nation by fundamentalist Muslims. He endorsed Howard Dean – just as the orange-capped Deaniacs were punching themselves out. Gore even went out and got really fat – just before America officially gave up carbs. This guy is always leaping into the mosh pit at the precise moment the crowd parts. Mark my words: Now that good old Al has come lunging in, the anti-war movement is dead.
Speaking Of Novels...
...and I believe I was...
Putnum/Penguin considers the average word count of a novel to be 80,000 words. I see I have written 118,590 during the course of this blog...not counting the comments.
What a waste...
How's this sound as the first paragraph of my new novel?
"...My teeth hurt, and that’s never a good thing. And I hate it when my feet make sticky cellophane sounds when I walk across linoleum.
I ungrit my teeth, and the pain recedes. There is not one spot I can step in where there isn’t blood. What used to be an angel stares up at me from what used to be living eyes, and a silent, open mouth death scream takes away all the pretty…"
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
I got caught up in the contest just now by virtue of the fact that I couldn't let go of my dick...
I had read Fox News already, and they had slipped the pussy from the sack, so I knew that Miss Australia had won already...
What the fuck? I've boinked a posse of cheerleaders that resemble her...I wouldn't kick her out of bed for shitting in it, just move her over and keep going...BUT! she ain't 'all that'. Daisy Fuentes makes her look like an old broom, left in the closet, full of dust.
My vote? It would have been Miss USA all the way...though Miss Jamaica and Miss Mexico gave her some serious compo-titty...
Miss Norway blew Misss USA out of the water, and I am not a blonde freak....but apparently Norway has no political clout.
I think the theme for this year was 'Flat Chicks Rule!'
Okay, Miss Costa Rica just made me unload bow and stern tubes, and then Miss Puerto Rico made me blow ballast and surface, only to be raked by the guns of MISS PARAGUAY...then Miss Ecuador came along and strafed my seamen in the water...and then that little whore from Australia came out and lowered my flag...what an unimpressive little tart.
Then, Miss Columbia came along and re-stiffened my stalk...thanks, beaner-babe!
Okay, This Is Cool...
Brought to you by Sondra K
, who is going to heck if she don't change her evil ways, and there's not a darn dang thing I can do about it...
The Hole Card
, a lovely blog from The Front...email him and see what he wants. His needs seem taken care of...