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        Sunday, November 30, 2003

    All Traitors Must Die...

    Fernando Suarez del Solar will go to Baghdad to protest Bush administration policy. CNN's Miguel Marquez reports (November 30)

    So, his son gets killed in Iraq, and this is what we get.
    I don't have any idea what this pukes soldier kid was like, but, for sake of argument, let us say he was a True American Hero...so, what the fuck is his puke greaser asshole traitor of a 'dad' being allowed to go to Baghdad and put on a dog and pony show that can only benefit the enemy? And, yes, I include the traitorous Democrat Party (and John McCain) in that enemies list.

    Kneeling in an alley behind a police station, his hands tie-wrapped behind his back, and a bullet to the back of the head is all this bastardo deserves...hey, the Chicoms got something right.





       

    Boobs will never be extinct!

    The female breast is too wonderful a thing, Maury...don't be a dolt.

    Oh, hi, folks...didn't see you there. Just taking a retard from another blog to task for his stupid comment about me. Called me a redneck, too. I have some redneck tendencies, to be sure, but...really! What a homo.

    Again, if you've just arrived here from somewhere, go read all my stuff, then judge me. Most of you have such an ingrained kneejerk reaction to anything that doesn't fit the paradigm that was brainwashed into you in your sorry-ass public skools that your thinking muscle has grown as flaccid as the Popes' dick. Grow up and think for yourselves.

    If I'm such a rascist, how come you can't find one instance here of me using the dreaded N word towards blacks? Hmmmm? Negroe doesn't count...MLK used it himself in his greatest speeches, so just shut up about that.

    If you read all my stuff, and still don't like me, just be comforted that I hate you more, I'm prettier than you, I have many many children to carry on my line, I'm smarter than you, my wife is prettier than yours, and...well, I could just go on and on, but you get the picture.

    Kiss kiss!





       

    Racial Diversialisisity...

    I have thought and thought, thunk and thunk, and pondered long, and I have come to the conclusion that black people are different than white people. Oh, to be sure, much as men can imitate women, blacks can imitate whites, and vice versa, but somewhere, deep inside, we are different. There is not too much that is more pitiful than a man cross-dressing as a woman, or a white man cross-racing as a black man. It makes both parties being imitated uncomfortable when they see it...kinda makes you get in touch with your 'inner yuck'.

    Whereas a cross-dresser of either sex is just plain sad, it is equally okay to be black as it is to be white. Whites do not generally feel uncomfortable when a black person 'acts white', and in many cases, it is not acting, but that the black person has been around whites so long, or from such an early age, that he or she has imprinted on them as might a gosling imprint on a dog, if a dog is the first thing it sees after hatching.

    A white person acting black, on the other hand, makes both whites and blacks uncomfortable...mostly, I think, because they can't pull it off without looking silly, showing themselves as reflected in a cracked, flawed mirror.

    I have dated many black women over the years, and socialized both superficially and intimately with black people from all social strata. I can say, with some authority, that they tend to be far more prejudiced, or let's call it 'racially aware' than white people are. Where whites do not wake up in the morning considering and pondering their whiteness, that subject occupies much of a black persons thinking during their entire day. They even judge each other...whether someone is light or dark black, the color of their hair, and so on. They have as many racial terms for their own kind as an Eskimo has names for snow.

    What I like most about blacks is their women, but a close second is that they hate mexicans as much as I do. [Note, I didn't say 'mexican-Americans'...do not hyphenate around me, or I will smack you. You are either an African or a mexican, or you are an American. I hate black Africans even more than I hate mexicans.]

    In summation: Blacks, like women, are an alien life form with which white men share many characteristics, and can interbreed with. Some blacks, like some women, are bad, and their bullshit should not be tolerated.

    Thank you, that is all (for now).

    Update:

    Apparently some reading impaired cretins are misconscrewing my words above to read that I hate Americans of color other than white. I am not responsible for these cretins poor education, or blows to their soft spots during their formative years. Read it and make up your own mind.
    Shucks, I hate white people, too, dummies. I'm called Bane, for hecks sake!





        Saturday, November 29, 2003

    It has come to Bane's attention that there may be some Iraqis who are actually worthy of not being shot. One of these might be Alaa. I am slowly beginning to find more of his kind.

    Too bad it is so slow, because, if necessary, we will burn down the barn to kill the rats.

    I am still pondering...

    Mahoud (and you know who you are...drives your raghead-ass nuts I don't have comments, don't it?), the not shooting part does not include you. Or your family. Or your pets. Asshole.





       

    Some Maudlin Thoughts For The Holidays...

    This should once again confirm that the most important
    information in your life won't come from a teacher,
    the library or the Internet, but from a mentor, and on
    a very personal level.

    My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up,
    and for me it is a time to reminisce. The long walks
    we used to take. The long drives. The special trips he
    would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends
    with him, and the advice he used to give!


    Much was wasted because I was young when he died.
    If he were alive today and sharing his gems of wisdom,
    I'd be a better man. Those gems were well and good,
    but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown
    of grand fatherly advice, came when he paused, looked
    me in the eye and said ...

    "Don't marry a woman with big hands. It makes your
    pecker look smaller"

    ........Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?






        Friday, November 28, 2003

    You Know Who Is The Man...

    Ya know what? The most powerful man in the entire world flew the most recognizable plane in the world into arguably the hottest combat zone in the world, stayed for over two hours, and had dinner.

    Fuck all these little crying whining pussy pundit bitches who are bloviating about it. And especially the Iraqis, those turd-world goatherd motherfuckers. And don't their so-called 'elite', when interviewed at home, look like so many Amway and Mary-Kay hucksters?

    I just caught a segment on CNN where they were actually interviewing an Al Jizzeera terrorspondent about how he felt about the whole thing. Talk about strange bedfellows. The oriental CNN terrorspondent had really cute, really deep dimples...no doubt from sucking so hard for so long. She could probably remove the pelt from a ferret with one slurp.

    GW is my President. If he ain't yours, you've got me for an implacable, heartless enemy, and I hope your lineage stops at you.





       

    Deck The Walls...

    My Ascending Colon is playing fun holiday games with my Descending Colon today...right now, it's 'peek-a-boo'. I get the urge to go download some corn, and then one of the kids distracts me, and it goes away...but I can feel it lurking just beyond the shoals of my colon, like the shark in Jaws...Ba-dum...Ba-dum...Ba-dumBa-dumBa-dum.... then nothing but a swirl of tail, or perhaps...was that a fin?

    I expect, later, to be lifted from the bowl like a car on a hydraulic lift..."Honey! Get the axe and come help me down from here!"...teetering up near the ceiling while the kids watch, goggle-eyed. Science may wish to stop by and count the rings, or check for interesting primordial sediment. Great, they can have it, if they've got the men to haul it out of the house, cuz that Heinie-kin sure ain't gonna go down the plumbing without a good fight...one that likely involves chainsaws and flamethrowers.

    Life will find a way...





        Thursday, November 27, 2003

    In The Family Way...

    My daughter swung by today with her smelly fiance...he reeked of something that comes in a bottle with a ship on it. My daughter could model professionally, and would get a Revlon contract quite easily, but she has settled on an ROTC officer with zits on his neck. I got even. When they were trying to leave, her fiance had a good deal of trouble with our childproof door knob cover, and I was able to holler "Rangers Lead The Way!" at him and he snapped "shut up!" before he could catch himself and my oldest Marine son (who was on the phone from back east) and I giggled like schoolgirls. Got a good glower from my daughter, too. Bliss...

    My wife conspired to make a lovely feast (see details somewhere below), and I think it is me for an early bed tonight. My youngest Marine had duty today, so will be up from 8am this morning to 8am tomorrow morning. I remember those days. They sucked. But at least I got to carry a .45 and could shoot drunks if they raised too much hell in the barracks. "Dammit! I am the commander of this building, I have a gun, and I am hallucinating from too much coffee! Shut the fuck up!"
    He has called me five times cuz he's bored. I just automatically say "Hello, Son..." when I answer the phone. Gotta love him, though, and it looks like he is headed back for Iraq for a year, after spending 8 months there already...that kinda sucks.

    I'm jealous.





       

    No Comment...

    To those of you who are new here:

    I hear folks on other blogs bitch about blogs that do not have comments. These are probably the same lazy whiners that think it's okay to steal music and software. Fukkem.

    You can email me. Many do. Thanks for the compliments, but it's not neccesary. I do this for me...it's just a bonus if you enjoy it. If I say something, it is right. You cannot change my mind, and insults just make me happy that I've pissed you off.
    [NOTE: I have yet to recieve any hate mail...dammit]

    Not to say that I cannot change my own mind, but it's doubtful, because I am in my forties, and set in my ways. I have had a rich life, full of experiences that have formed me in to who I am. I am highly educated, and widely read.

    Comments tend to turn into a poor version of IRC, and I would find that intolerable.

    That is all...we now return you to your regular programming.





       

    What's so special about peace, love, and understanding...

    I hate these mandatory holidays...the ones that sneak up from behind with a belaying pin and press gang you, and you wake up, chained to an oar with the rest of your relatives for a whole.fucking.day.

    Oh, you can drink to numb the pain, but my Liver is too highly trained, now, and stops most of the alcohol molecules that I invited to the party at the velvet rope...I bring home a fifth of Tequila, and my Liver sniffs haughtily and lifts its leg on it. Snooty Liver, bad Liver...get off the couch.

    I told my wife that I don't care what else she cooks, but I want a crocked corned beef roast, red and white potatos with dill and parsely, and pumpkin pie. So, there's all that, plus a turkey, a ham, mashed potatos, apple pie, pecan pie...she is making real whipped cream, but I told her to get Cool Whip, too, cuz I adore that stuff. Add two bottles of 2000 BV Merlot (Napa Valley, of course), and I expect to be taking a pleasant nap for most of the afternoon, with a memorable dump to follow.

    I'm still trying to come up with a list of things to be thankful for...





       

    Your Tax Dollars At Work...

    This is...

    MOSUL, Iraq, Nov. 26 — Since the Americans came to town seven months ago, the firefighters in this northern Iraqi city have gotten new trucks and new uniforms, American training and salaries 10 times larger than they used to be.
    But when word came Sunday afternoon that two American soldiers had been shot in the head and killed a block away, the men of Ras al Jada fire station ran to the site and looked on with glee as a crowd of locals dragged the Americans from their car and tore off their watches and jackets and boots.
    "I was happy, everyone was happy," Waadallah Muhammad, one of the firefighters, said as he stood in front of the firehouse. "The Americans, yes, they do good things, but only to enhance their reputation. They are occupiers. We want them to leave."


    ...just one more reason we need to quit playing nice, and just kill the shit out of these goat-fuckers.





        Wednesday, November 26, 2003

    What constitutes a regular reader? Well, it sure as fuck ain't me, cuz I gots to go shit like a doped up racehorse...s'cuse me...





       

    Cross Your Fingers!

    Hillary is flying into Iraq for Thanksgiving! Surely there will be some brave, enterprising mujahadeen with a shoulder fired missle waiting to turn her into a flaming pork pinata...

    OHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASEOHPLEASE!!!

    Update:

    If not a missile, maybe she can choke on a bone or something...let us pray...

    Ugh...can you imagine giving that pudgy pink fireplug the Heimlich, and bursting out her new implants onto the serving table, to splat in front of some 18 year old newbies? Ewwww...

    Yet Another Update

    Looks like GW took my idea and ran with it, cruising around the Middle East, lights off on his plane, searching for Hillary's plane to whack her. Sadly unsuccessful, he dropped in to Baghdad to get a bite to eat with his homeys, and then went back home to wait til next time. Sooner or later, he will end a successful hunt with her porculent carcass strapped to the hood of his pickup...

    Hopefully sooner.







       

    Race Relations, pt 1...

    Someone needs to hire me and make me the CEO of their big computer manufacturing company, so when some black tard comes in to my office to whine about 'Master/Slave' terminology, I can just kick him in the nuts and say "Yer fired, Sambo!"...unless of coure he was a big, strapping black person, in which case I would have my staff of Samoan Nut-Wrestlers mess him up good for being a total weenie-ass.

    And when Jesse Jackson demands to come in to see me, I'll let him in, oh yes, and then kick his nuts for him personally...no middle man this time.

    And then I would 'take one for the team', and go back on unemployment, because that is very relaxing.





        Tuesday, November 25, 2003

    I read somewhere that our going ahead on R&D (and hopefully, implementation) of so-called 'mini-nukes' is giving the Japanese 'the jitters'...

    C'mon, ya little yella shrimps! You've got the most violent pornography in the world! We haven't smoked one of your cities in over fifty years!

    To be fair, you haven't smoked one of ours since around that time, either...

    Hmmmmmmm.....now why would that be?





       

    Some thoughts on Chester...

    I saw a spider tonight while I showered…it was in the nylon bag of my kid’s tub toys, and I killed it immediately. It's bite, at most, would have caused a red dot to form, and some itching, but I perceived a threat to my children, and I took its life without a second thought.

    Next door to me lives a known child molester...he has been paroled for raping children...children that fit the profiled age and appearance of my children. Why should I not walk over, gain entrance, say, via the ruse of selling subscriptions for 'Hot Naked Babys Magazine', then shoot him in the bladder with one of my .45 Glasers, and drink his beers while I sit on his couch and watch him die in agony?

    Oh, don't worry, I just made the molester up for dramatic license, he doesn't really exist...or does he? That's just it. They let these fuckers go, and you never know where they'll end up. On a recent sweep of registered sex offenders in my county, a search for over 300 sex fiends and rapists and molesters of all sorts, not one was found to be where they had told their parole officer they were living.
    Hmmmmm.

    But, hey, we're talking about a human life, here, not a bugs life, right? You wouldn't want to deprive a fellow human of his life without due process, would you?
    Fuck him...the molester here in my little story has already been convicted at least once...he is statistically likely to do it again...and, if you are his 'fellow human', you need to be squirming on the floor right beside him, trying to hold your own guts in as well.

    Think about it.







       

    How come Jews don't send me money?

    I support Israel, and whup on ragheads all the time, hows come none of the Jewish bloggers out there never say anything nice about me, like "Well, he's a bit of a firebrand, and somewhat of an acquired taste, like hydrochloric acid, but he rites reel gud...".

    Nope, not a peep. Must be one of those 'Zionist Conspiracies' I keep hearing about. Nope, Jews will support vile organizations like The Southern Poverty Law Center and that Spawn of Satan Morris Dees, or the baby-rapers of the ACLU, before they would ever acknowledge the likes of me, someone who would cheerfully give his life and/or take the lives of others who would threaten Israel, or Jews anywhere, for that matter. No, they would label me a Philistine far quicker than the actual Philistines on the other side of their new fence. More proof, if any is needed, that Liberalism is a mental disorder.

    Now Judaism...that is a donkey of a whole nother color. They just need to drop that nonsense and get down with Jesus.





       

    People ask me, "Bane, how is it that you hate homosexuals, but you appear to like lesbians....are you some sort of a homocrite?"

    I like to tell them "Fuck you!" and then squish their windpipe, but that's hard to do over the internet (unless you're Darth Vader...he'd give em a good squishen), so I will endeavour to explain:

    Lesbians are women, whether they like it or not. I love women. I like women. Women are my friends. I am married to one, and I have brought two of them (women, not dykes...I hope) into the world. How many women have you helped your wife cook up in the Easy Bake Oven? Then shut up.

    Okay, back to dykes: the pretty ones that look like actual women don't bother me at all...we can poach freely in each other's herds, and if I find her in bed with my wife, well, Yahoo! There's gonna be some pokin goin on!
    The ones that don't look like women, look like yard gnomes, and I think yard gnomes are cute, with their little Ben Franklin glasses, their stripedy pants, and their cute little butchy hair. And, outside of their silly parades, they're mostly quiet about their condition, and they don't have dicks. It's all good.

    Yeah, I know the Bible had some harsh things to say about Lesbos, but I already done told you...I'm a Bad Christian, not a Good One...I've got plenty other shit in my life to worry about going to hell over than to worry about some muff-munchers.

    Hope that clears things up.

    Next Week: How Bane feels about Negroes!





       

    Borelogging...

    I read a lot of blogs...have them sorted into themes, and read them according to and depending on the mood I'm in.

    Moxie and Katie's blog is starting to look so gay that I may have to get hormone replacement therapy after reading it, but they're sweet.

    It is the political blogs that I am beginning to get bored by, and a cartoon from Cox and Forkum a while back finally showed me why...they are almost all essentially mirror sites for the Drudge Report. I read Drudge every day, why do I need to go somewhere else to read the same thing, only filtered through some butt-wits Opinionater? And then the commenters pile on and stomp around through the crime scene so much that the original thought gets completely lost.
    Fuck that...if you want me to read your comments, start your own blog and invite me...don't get bent if I don't bother.

    A note to those of you kind enough to email me and invite me to come to your blog and comment: 90% of the time I do, and I go back a day later and you haven't had the courtesy to even respond to my comment on your site, so screw you.

    I didn't even get a piece of cake...





       

    Make yourself comfortable...

    Debkafile, among others, is reporting that car-bombings and other attacks are imminent on US soil. Bring it on. The sooner Americans wake up to the threat in their midst, the better.

    One would have thought that the fall of the towers would have been enough, but no. It will, sadly, take more American deaths.

    The flags are all faded in the car windows...the few that still snap in the breeze from aerials are faded and tattered...nobody can remember where they stored the ammo they bought in the days following 9/11, or they've shot it all up during Fourth of July...we are comfortable again.

    And still, not a week goes by where I don't read a report of muslim men being detained and released for photographing malls, dams, power plants, synagogues, schools...those are just the fuckers that should be hustled off to a dank basement where wires will be attached to their shriveled little Ayrab scrotums and electricity applied liberally until they scream out their nefarious plans. Not guilty? Ooops...sorry...Next!

    Storms a commin, folks...ready or not.





       

    Just kill MOST of them...

    I have been pondering my 'Death To Iraqis' stance, and I am prepared to revise it a little. Now I am beginning to think that we should first kill all of the Baathist's and their families as a warning to the remaining 'good' (muffled snicker) Iraqis.

    We can use the remaining Iraqis as cheap chimp labor, and undercut the Chinese as a source for our gimcrackery, and undercut Mexico, who is not our friend, as well.

    Problem solved.

    Update:

    Any mercy implied does not apply to Mahoud (and you know who you are, goat-humper) or any of his family, or camels, goats, dogs (wait, they are afraid of dogs...forget the dogs).







        Monday, November 24, 2003

    Went and saw 'Master and Commander: The Far Side Of The World' tonight...ab-so-lutely breathtaking, and I really really hate to agree with that fat fairy Eberts. It should get an Oscar for 'Best Water' or something...and the most awesome ship to ship fighting I've ever seen.

    Loved 'Matrix 3' also...much better than #2...don't be a weenie, go see it.

    Gothika? If Ms Berry, and the production in general don't scrape in some Oscars, said Oscars are even more valueless than I have previously imagined.
    I haven't jumped so many times in ages...it helped that there were several black couples around me, and the negresses screamed in just the right spot...we would all look at each other and have a good snicker, with a side of shudder.

    Saw previews for a remake of 'Dawn of the Dead' that looks extremely promising, too...go check out the website and view the trailer.





       

    I clipped this from that little cunt Salam Pax's blog, the so-called 'Baghdad Blogger'....

    ....two people crossed the bridge with that very old water tanker (made in 1950s), and the man "with beard" sitting on the left went out from the window and started shooting on the italian guards and killed them, and the car went directly into the main door of the building killing everyone in the street and most of the italians, italian soldiers heads were found hundreds of meters away from he explosion! brrrrooohhh .. and some iraqi's were burned in their cars in the middle of the street. The "funny" thing that looting started five minutes later, all the machine guns and pistols disappeared in minutes and you can get a cool italiano pistol for $250 now in the gun markets of Nasryya. Abbas (u know him, the restaurant owner..) saw some people steeling a ring from the finger of a dead italian body with no head! brrrrroooohhh .. and looting contenued the next days for the rest of the furnature and air conditioning units ,, the strange thing that everyone at Nasryya was expecting the attack two days before it happens!....

    Tell me again why we are not mowing down these savages in rows? Mosul should be left a stinking place of the dead...a tale future Iraqi mothers tell their children at night, in hushed tones.
    These animals have nothing to offer the world except more animals. The country needs to be split into three sections right now, Kurd, Shia, and Sunni, and any resistance crushed via B-52 strike.

    It is smart for us to have taken a beachead in the Middle East, it is not smart to think that chimps are capable of civilization just because the country contains the pretty ruins of a civilization from thousands of years ago...and we wouldn't even have known of that if it wasn't for archeologists from actual civilized countries going and digging them up.

    These animals were okay when confined in their own zoo, and preying on one another...now we have hundreds of thousands of these roaches infesting our own mother country, it is time to look at what is needed to fumigate.

    It's Clobberin Time!!





       

    Many Evangelical Christians in the U.S. say they are outraged over President George Bush's statement that Christians and Muslims worship the same God.


    Hmmmm...what's GW up to? I refuse to believe that he believes that, and yet he said it. The tiniest bit of research shows that statement to be erroneous...

    What's George up to?






        Sunday, November 23, 2003

    My beloved Raiders, against all odds, lost again today. I haven't done the math, but they may not make it to the playoffs.
    Sigh.

    Heavy sigh.

    The world still appears to have a warm spot in it's colon for me, since I last posted October 21st...I have had bad months, but this one is heading for Honorable Mention. Waaaahhh, my diaper is wet...fukkit.

    How do two GI's, alone in a car, get shot/stabbed/bludgeoned to death, and the only way we find out about it is over an hour later because some raghead kid finds some Americans and tells them? I'll be fucked if I can tell you...were they on a liquor run? Whose idea was it for two soldiers to head out alone in a car? It seems that our soldiers, as well as our citizens, have forgotten we are at war.

    Wake the fuck up!